Debra’s husband has a problem. He’s addicted to sports gambling and has frittered away almost $1 million of their savings.
The Sacramento native, 69, called in to The Ramsey Show, expressing dismay and frustration — classifying her husband, 79, as a severe gambler.
The couple has been married for 11 years, and they should be in an ideal place to enjoy their retirement. At the beginning of their marriage, they had close to $1 million saved jointly. However, Debra recently discovered that her husband had been dipping into their accounts for bets and lying about it.
The National Council on Problem Gambling reports that 2.5 million adults in the U.S. are estimated to have a severe gambling problem, and a further 5 to 8 million have a mild or moderate problem with gambling. (1)
“My husband has a gambling problem,” Debra said. “Our savings are down to $15,000.”
Debra is facing a serious personal and financial crisis, and Ramsey did not hedge his bets on what she should do.
“I can stop anytime I want to,” is what Debra’s husband tells her; however, this heartbreaking story is a clear example of how addiction can tear families apart.
While they had combined their accounts after getting married and were initially careful with their money, eventually, Debra’s husband became evasive, and she noticed some red flags.
“A year and a half ago, something that was kind of a warning sign was that I saw a late notice for taxes,” she recalled. “I said, ‘Why are our taxes late?'”
She started digging and discovered that he’d missed a tax payment. Now, she’s found out that her husband’s credit score is 600, while hers is in the 800 range, and despite his $350,000 annual salary, they have little in the bank.
Worst of all, he isn’t committed to getting help for his addiction; instead, he’s just cutting back on his vice. (2)
“He said … ‘We can get it under control. We can keep it down to $700 or $800 a month,’” Debra recalled.
Debra and her husband are not alone. The National Council on Problem Gambling reports that the rate of problem gambling among sports bettors is at least twice as high as among gamblers in general. (3) Additionally, 45% of sports bets now happen online, and with the wide availability of apps, gambling addicts have 24/7 temptation in their pockets.
The financial loss from that easy access can be devastating, with Atlantic Behavioral Health reporting that gambling addiction leads to an average debt of $40,000. (4)
The World Health Organization also warns that gambling can:
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Increase the risk of mental illness
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Increase the risk of suicide
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Drive families into poverty
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Cause relationships and families to break apart
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Increase the risk of family violence
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Increase the risk of crimes like theft and fraud
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Result in child neglect (5)
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Debra took the first step in dividing her finances from her husband’s, but Dave said she must do more.
“You call a marriage counselor, and you start talking to them. And you call someone who does addiction counseling,” Ramsey suggested. “Both can give you a framework by which you lead them into an ultimatum, and the ultimatum is: You stop cold turkey, you are going to Gamblers’ Anonymous, and you are going to a therapist.
“You are not gambling another dime, or you will not see me anymore.”
The best time to take action is as soon as possible, or before the financial loss is substantial. Warning signs can include:
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Financial issues such as overdue bills and maxed-out cards
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A shortage of money despite earning a good living
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Items being sold for cash
For those in a situation similar to Debra’s, and notice these signs in their spouse, Better Health recommends:
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Remind yourself that you’re not at fault and can’t control their behavior
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Inform the gambler that they are causing you harm
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Track all family spending and take control of your finances
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Open a separate bank account
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Talk to the bank to ensure your home can’t be re-mortgaged
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Put valuables into a safe deposit account
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Cancel overdraft protection on shared bank accounts
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Make connections with others to support your own mental health (4)
Finally, as Ramsey suggested, you should stage an intervention and confront your spouse, providing specific examples of how their behavior is causing problems. Also work with them to create a strategy on how to address the gambling and the consequences of their actions.
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We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
National Council on Problem Gambling (1, 3); Addiction Help (2); Atlantic Behavioral Health (4); World Health Organization (5); USC Suzanne Dworak-Peck (6).
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
